Well, here’s my “Stupid Marketing” pick for the month. The Census Bureau has budgeted $340 Million to market the 2010 Census over a four month period. They started off Advertising on the Golden Globes in January and followed it with a $2.5 million buy for a thirty-second Super Bowl ad. As a sidenote, you might remember that Pet.com was one of seventeen dot-com companies that paid over $2 million for 30-second spots during the January 2000 Super Bowl. Only then, in January 2001, just three dot-coms bought ad spots. Is there a lesson here?

 

You’d think that in a time of a slow economy and soaring deficits, that Uncle Sam might want to find a cheaper ways to market the Census. But, according to Census Bureau Director Robert M. Grove, “For every one percentage point decline in the response rate, we’re probably going to spend between $80 and $90 million sending volunteers door-to-door. If we can do this right, we save tax payers $80 or $90 million. That’s a pretty easy business case.”

 

Hmmm… let’s see – let’s spend $340 million to save $80 million. Only the government could come up with that new math! And volunteers? They’re paying temps an average of $20 per hour. Jumping Jehoshaphat!  Haven’t they ever heard of Guerilla marketing? Maybe the government needs a Department of Marketing.

 

Here are a few FREE marketing ideas for the Director, which in my humble opinion, he should consider:

 

1)  Why not use the President’s bully pulpit to get the message out? During March, the President could end each speech with an appeal to citizens to respond to the Census Questionaire. The bureau would get a heck of a lot more air time that way, plus a big increase in the response. And the President could send his many other spokespersons to the various medias to sell it. I haven’t heard one lick out of them.

 

2)  And if I were the President and I controlled the FCC (along with the power to cancel broadcast licenses) and, if I could easily get the nations’ top TV network CEO’s in my Oval Office for a friendly tea, I think I could definetely persuade or twist a few arms for a couple hundred PSA’s (free Public Service Announcements) on the Air.  And, I’m sure Brad Pitt, Steve Martin and other Hollywood luminaries would eagerly record my PSA’s and be pleased as punch they were able to help. All volunteer, of course.

 

3) And, let’s say as President, I have all of these millions of employees working for me- Did you know that government employment almost doubled from 12 million in 1969 to almost 24 million today! Along with Cabinet departments, hundreds of agencies and civil service like it IRS, as well as the Army, Navy, Air force, and Marines….good gaAAh-lee miss molly! Couldn’t the government’s employees somehow be used to get the word out?

 

4) BTW-Did you know the Vice President gets Franking privileges (free postage)? Now Since Joe doesn’t have too much to do except check on the health of the President each morning, what’s stopping the Veep from marketing a multi-step direct mail campaign to promote the Census? Sounds like a winner to me! And Free postage to boot!

5) And speaking of the Post Office, why doesn’t the goverment utilize our postal workers instead of training and hiring 1.2 million temporary workers? Mail handled by the post office fell from 213 billion pieces in 2006 to 177 billion last year.  A whopping $7 billion loss is projected for 2010. Just think, who else knows the neighborhoods better? Who else is more trusted to knock on your door than your own local Postman? So why doesn’t the government make a deal with the Post Office to help collect responses? They need more work and the government needs more help. That’s a Win-Win. And, the Post Office already has office space, trained manpower, transportation, and supervision. But, hey ---that’s just me.

Did you know that more than 10,000 census employees were paid over $300 a piece to attend training for the address-canvassing for the bureau, but quit or were let go before they could perform any work?–that’s a whopping $3 million down the tubes. And, another 5,000 employees collected $300 for the same training but worked a single day or less.- And that’s another $1.5 million down the tubes.  geeeeeeeeze!

 

Heck, I don’t know about you but I could have saved the Census Bureau at least $300 mil out of that $340 million ad budget, and certainly gotten a much better response. -I could go on and on – I haven’t even touch on the social marketing possibilities like YouTube or Twitter for cryin' out loud! - But oh well – that’s Uncle Sam for you. I guess you got to figure that $300 million is just a rounding error in D.C.- not enough to lose sleep over.